naughty or nice?

We'll see what the "big guy" says...

Brylie's message from Santa

two firsts

first #1 - a busted lip. it wasn't really too very traumatic, but the picture was worth sharing.

first #2 - a haircut. let's face it, it was about time. i just couldn't stand the thought of cutting off the ends because that's the hair she was born with. but, she was looking like a mullet-y ragamuffin, so it was time.

here we go...!

i told her i was going to cut it all off - she wasn't too thrilled about that, as you can see

as a matter of fact, i do know that there is almost no hair on that towel. baby steps...

who could this be?

brandon found this picture today and insists it looks like the 25-year-old version of a certain 4-year-old redheaded boy who shall remain nameless.... hehe.

one man's trash...

So I was walking through Salvation Army, looking for something to wear to a "tacky Christmas sweater" party, when I spotted this little beauty:

Four dollars! It's fantastically vintage...it even smells vintage. (interpret that however you like).

the best 100th post ever.

I've been waiting for something really amazing to happen that was worthy of breaking my blogging hiatus.

And that something took place tonight.

After Chi Alpha, several of us went to Rosa's. We're sitting there, eating and chatting, when Heath asks, "Hey, is that lady behind me falling asleep?"

I looked over Heath and Ashlee's shoulders to see what lady he was talking about. Sure enough, two booths behind them was a girl with two young kids...and she was falling asleep while eating! After a few minutes of scoping out the situation, I realized that there was no way this girl could drive her kids home - she was literally dozing off every 30 seconds. I also realized that God was being pretty insistent that I go over there. I said a quick prayer that He would help her be open to my offer of driving her home, and I started over there.

It's funny how the Spirit takes over control of your body when you're reluctant to obey. I was pretty nervous that she was going to stick me with her fork and tell me to mind my own business.

As I started walking over, I noticed that she was falling asleep again; but she woke up as I slid into the booth across from her.

"Are you ok?" I asked. "You seem kind of tired."

She replied that she was ok, and that she had been working since 7 that morning and was just very tired. As the conversation went on, she dozed several more times, and after about 10 minutes of talking we really had had the same conversation 5 times. I knew she was on something, but she wouldn't tell me what. "Something for anxiety," she said. I told her that she just seemed tired, and I wondered if she would let me drive her home. Her six-year-old daughter started pleading with her, "Mommy, please let her drive us home! Please, Mommy!"

My heart was breaking. But, the girl insisted that she was ok to drive. She said, "I'm embarrassed - I don't even know you! I don't want to be rude, but I don't need any help."

I finally accepted that that was her answer and gave her beautiful kids one last smile as I got out of the booth. "Be safe, okay?"

I walked back to our table, feeling defeated, and praying that God would protect that family on their drive home. We sat, ate, and talked for a little while longer - and I could feel the girl's eyes on me the whole time.

About 15 minutes later, I noticed they were standing up and getting ready to leave. The girl motioned for me to come back over. I immediately jumped up and started toward her. As I approached, she asked, "Would you just help me get my kids in the car?"

"Of course I will."

I motioned for Heath and Ashlee to walk out there with me. We started heading outside, and the girl just started crying, "I'm so embarrassed! I'm humiliated! How could I let my kids see me this way?" As we talked to her for a while and she admitted that she was at rock bottom, I noticed the dozens of prominent scars on her wrists - there were so many of them. She was right - she really, really was at rock bottom. Heath asked her if she knew Jesus, and she said she did - but we could tell she didn't. After about 30 minutes in the parking lot, I had given her my number twice, and she had promised to call me soon. We said goodbye and started walking back to our cars.

As I was opening my door, she got my attention and motioned for me to come back over there. I started running back over to her car, and I noticed she was crying. "I'm ready," she cried. "I'm ready to be a good mom. I'm ready to try something new. I'm so tired of my kids seeing me this way."

I asked, "Well, are you thinking it's time to give Jesus a chance?"

She said she thought she was but that she needed to talk to me some more about it, and asked if I could come over to her apartment. I hesitated at first, because I knew she was not psychologically in a good place, and she had just told me about all of her jailed exes and friends on meth; but I thought, "I'm just going to have to trust the Lord - because this chick is ready!"

I agreed to follow her to her apartment (Heath inconspicuously followed us so he would at least know where I was - and I texted Brandon the address). We arrived, and I helped her daughter carry her backpack and books inside. The girl warned me, "It's so messy and I'm embarrassed to have you here. I work so much and I never have time to clean."

Let me tell you, if I wasn't scared of the shadiness of the apartment complex, the size of the roaches would have done it. The place was filthy. My heart broke for her because I know how hard it is to keep a house clean when you only have one baby and a husband that helps immensely - I can't imagine two babies and no husband!

I sat down and started talking to the daughter about school while her mom was trying to get the baby ready for bed. She told me, "I like you. I'm glad you came over tonight. My mommy has been acting weird for 2 days and I was so scared of what was happening to her tonight." I asked her, "Do you think you can help your mommy get your brother ready for bed so I can talk to her?" She jumped up excitedly and did exactly as I asked... and even went straight to sleep (which her mom said never happens).

I started walking through the living room, thinking about how I was going to get past this girl's huge emotional walls - how was I going to get her to trust me when no one else in her life has ever been trustworthy? My eyes fell on the sink piled with dirty dishes, and I immediately knew how to break down the barriers. This girl needed to experience love with no strings attached. I turned on the hot water, picked up the brush and got to work.

She was mortified when she walked back in and realized that I was doing her dishes, but she eventually conceded and even joined me. So I washed, she dried, and we talked. And when the kitchen was done, we moved onto the living room....and then her daughter's room...and then the dining room...

And the whole time, we talked and cried. And chipped away at those emotional walls. Sometimes we even sledge-hammered them.

When the apartment was as clean as would could possibly make it, we sat down, I took a deep breath and whispered one last quick prayer.

"So...you want something different. You want to be a good mom. You want to break free from those bad relationships, and the depression, anxiety, and pills."

"More than anything," she replied.

"You need Jesus."

"...I know..."

There was a long pause as I tried to read her facial expressions.

"Are you ready?"

"......yes."

So, we prayed together. She asked Jesus to become her source of life, to save her, to help her be a good mom, to help her break free from her depression, anxiety, pills, and bad relationships.

We cried...

Oh, how we cried.

And for the first time in the 4 hours I had known her, she laughed!

I hadn't realized before then that she had never once smiled during our time together; but now, she was laughing!

"Wow," I thought. "That was a quick!"

I told her that things would be different - that they already were different, but that she was going to have to make the decision every day to live for God.

She said, "Now that I have a real friend who actually cares about me, I think I can do that."
(I cried at this, of course).

As I got up to leave, we made plans to meet later this week, and she asked about church, Chi Alpha, and life groups. Then, she hugged me. That may not sound too amazing in and of itself, but 4 hours earlier, she wouldn't even tell me her name. She freaked out that I texted Brandon her address. She literally trusted no one.

And I got a hug :)

Oh, Jesus...THANK YOU...thank you for letting me be a small part of this tonight. For speaking so strongly at Rosa's that I physically couldn't keep myself from walking over to her. Thank you for bringing us together under odd, unconventional circumstances. Thank you for saving her! Thank you for seeing her tears, hearing her heart, and loving her so much. I'm overwhelmed by your goodness. I'm overwhelmed that you chose to use me tonight.

What an incredible night.
I love you with every ounce of my being.

Oh, how He loves us.

schooooool's out for the summer!

(I just looked up that song and realized two interesting things: #1 - it was written by alice cooper - yikes; and #2 - it was written 13 years before i was born) where in the world have i heard it? strange.

back to the point:

school, and subsequently, my job as a GA, are over! yay!

Thank you, Jesus, for getting me through this semester in one piece.

And the best part of all, my husband kicked some serious booty in his classes.
beauty AND brains!

.....Hawaii, here we come!

someone call a wahhh-mbulance

I really, really, really need a vacation.

Really.

I think that TLC show about world's worst jobs might even do a segment on me if I called them up.

*sigh*

6 more days...

flashbacks from freshman year

Tonight marks my 3rd all-nighter in the past week.

It's not that I'm procrastinating...really!

It's just that an incredibly large amount of work has been given to me to be completed in an incredibly short amount of time, and the only hours in the day available to work on it are those between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

This kind of thing was no big deal five years ago - I could go all day off of 3 hours of sleep on a regular basis. But, of course, that was freshman year, pre-marriage, pre-baby, pre-....being an old lady.

One thing, though, there's something awfully peaceful about being awake at 4:24 a.m. I'm in that stage of sheer exhaustion where emotions are so close to the surface, and it's just quiet enough to hear every little whisper from the Spirit. I understand now why David wrote about worshiping in the middle of the night. When the world is asleep, I have Him all to myself.

what I hate about being a mommy

...not being able to watch "kid" movies without finding every little stinkin' thing in them that is...uh...inappropriate for kids.

Why do they have to put those things in there? Seriously, Madagascar 2, are the witch doctors and volcano sacrifices and "how in the hello are we going to get out of here?" really necessary?

To you, they're cute and innocent; but mommies and daddies are the ones who are stuck explaining the concept of "sacrificing a virgin to the volcano gods" to a little kid.

Ugh.

I'm not ready to fight the "why can't I see that movie?" battle....
Hopefully I have another few years.

Tommy's Proposal/BBQ

Enough fun for one day...

Congrats Tommy and Jessie!

in its purest form

They brought the donkey and the colt, placed their cloaks on them, and Jesus sat on them.

A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches

from the trees and spread them on the road.

The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted,

"Hosanna to the Son of David!"

"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"

"Hosanna in the highest!"

Brandon and I visited Oak Hills Church in San Antonio this morning. We had never been to a church that large before, but we've been reading Max Lucado's books for several years, and had heard that he was an amazing speaker, so we were curious.

I've had a really big change of heart in the last few years when it comes to different kinds of churches - moving from "this isn't what I'm used to - that's not worship" to "wow - praise God for excitement and variety among His people!"

It's been very liberating to say the least.

So this morning, as the band began playing Hosanna (one of my favorites), and people started taking their seats, I noticed some commotion coming up the aisles. Seventy-five little kids making their way up to the stage. They all pulled out palm leaves and began waving them wildly in the air.

As all of these 4 and 5 year olds got up to their places, the palm leaves waved a little more wildly and the sound of these sweet voices shouting "Hosanna!" filled the room.

"Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest!"

One hundred and fifty little hands reached toward the sky, smiles on every face, and praises to their Lord pouring from their lips.

I leaned over to whisper to Brandon, "This is the purest, most beautiful worship I have ever witnessed," but I couldn't get the words out without getting choked up.

Whenever I see something that praises the Lord so beautifully, with such innocence, it reminds me of the character of God. Not the character that we assign to him or want him to have - but who he is and was before mankind even existed. Sometimes I get so caught up in who I want him to be, that I forget he was before I was. It sounds like such a simple concept, but I forget it so easily.

He deserves my worship. Not just when I feel like it - all the time. It is my purpose.

Those little kids up there weren't concerned about a paper that they had to finish writing, or a bill that had to be paid...they were concerned with only one thing - their purpose. And you could see it on their faces and hear it in their sweet voices.

On the way home this evening, Brandon and I marveled at the breathtaking sunset that lay before us. Hot pink and purple - incredible. I heard Brandon whisper, "Wow ... thank you, God."

And that's just it. Creation declares the glory of the Lord.

Sunsets... flowers... mountains... little kids waving palm leaves in the air...

They declare his glory in the purest, most innocent way. Because sometimes I forget to.

Thank you, my Lord, for being who you are...for never changing...for deserving to be worshipped even when my praise seems so insufficient. Thank you for opening my eyes to true worship - in its purest form.

check out the talent (not mine, of course)

So, my sis-in-law discovered a very useful

(and lucrative) hidden talent!

This is the one I'm getting - I love it!

She's selling them for $12, so if you're interested, I'll pass on the word.

(An etsy store may be in the near future).

my moody blog

my blog hates change.

everytime I change a layout or add a gadget, it just stops working. as of right now, I can't click on the links on my blog roll.

If my blog were a person, it would be that girl that you have to walk on eggshells around. You know, that one that changes moods so frequently and unexpectedly that you never know what you're allowed to say around her.

So, any suggestions?

thank goodness for friends with cameras

I know it's not the best quality, but when your camera is broken (again), it's much appreciated.

clutter

i can't even develop one coherent thought, so here are a bunch of half-coherent ones:

- while having a rather important conversation with a professor the other day (the same professor that Brylie tried to expose me to), i realize i have nutragrain bar in my hair. i tried to get it out inconspicuously, but he said, "you can just get it out, you know."

- i'm tired of buying diapers. we have 3 left - is 14 months too early to pottytrain?

- i had an awesome workout today; it really set the pace for my whole day. maybe i'm turning over a new leaf. but hold your applause, this was only day 2.

- i found an empty gallon milk jug in the potty today....and a nutragrain bar.

- the defiance has begun, therefore, the spankings have begun... you know, it really does hurt mommy and daddy more than it hurts the kid.


- possible april fool's day joke: telling brandon i'm pregnant. good idea? bad idea?
eh, better not. he'd probably be really excited.

- i had a "fancy sandwich" tonight, and it was just about the best thing ever. brandon invented them back when we were dating; it's whole wheat bread, turkey, cheese, lettuce, tomato, avocado, sprouts, and pickle. A-mazing. they're "fancy" because they make us feel rich. . . it must be the sprouts.

my 3-month struggle

That's right - it's still going on.

but I think I may have figured out how to get out of school alive...

if I switch to the shorter program, I can graduate in december, and have my life back.

however, I won't be able to sit for the LPC exam. meaning, less marketable.

BUT, much happier.
AND, I won't have to do 2-3 years of internships.

so it comes to this (and we'll just list the pros):

shorter program = more time with the family, more time with the ministry, the removal of 3-4 years of school/interships, still having an MS when it's all said and done, and significantly less chances of going berserk and shaving my head.

longer program = waaaay more marketable, more respectable program

Looks pretty obvious to me. 5 to 2.

Why do I need so much affirmation?! Just do it, already!

shamu, schmamu

Just for grins, I thought I'd check to see how much SeaWorld tickets are.


$46.99 for a kid's ticket?! $54.99 for an adult ticket?!?!


I could (very strategically) feed my family for a week for $50! And that's what they charge you to come look at an old whale? No offense, Shamu...but come on, we all know you're not even the original.

The Original

Faker #22

(Like I had nothing better to do than to research how many Shamus there have been.

I'm putting off homework, ok?)

I'm starting to see a trend among businesses: 3 years old is the magical age when a child becomes a paying customer.

That means we've got 1 year and 10 months left of paying for family fun. Then, we get our kicks from throwing cold water on Daddy while he's in the shower. : )

Good parents teach their kids how to do this...

Shake it!

my bare, naked soul

i've been thinking...

how exactly would life be different (aka: better) if i dropped out of school?

not having to be someone's grad assistant, write papers, take tests, give assessments, sit through 3 hour classes, pay exhorbitant amounts of money for books, etc.

and this, my friends, is my deepest, darkest fantasy.

sad, I know.

stuff.

I'm having a random, scattered day.

- Does anyone know of a good dentist? I need one of those.

- Grocery shopping isn't as fun as it used to be. I tend to just put things back on the shelves if they aren't appropriate for a one-year-old with only 4 teeth.

- I've lost 8 pounds. Normally, I would be happy about something like this, but Brandon says I don't look any different... I'd rather look skinnier and not have lost any weight than have lost weight and look the same.

- I'm overwhelmed with the hankerin' to pack up and go somewhere exotic. Europe, maybe. New York...Fiji? I'll start saving up.

- Brylie tried to help herself to some milk while we were in my professor's office yesterday. Awk--ward.

- People are starting to ask me when I'm going to get pregnant again...

no comment.

jesse to the rescue.

My new hero is a Sprint operator named Jesse.

After 8 months of bills being payed but not received, late fees threatening to take us for all we're worth (which is not much by now, thanks to them), one report to the Better Business Bureau, and the frustration of not being able to get out of our contract...
this might be all behind us.

Funny how I can spend 2 hours a week, every week since July, talking to 10 different people who don't seem to have access to what they need to solve the problems.

And then there's Jesse. Sweet, helpful, English-speaking Jesse.

It took 5 minutes - and all my troubles vanished.

Please, Lord, let them have vanished.

and the award for 'world's best parents' goes to...

does it get any sweeter than this?

sure does!

those people.

you know who I'm talking about.

the ones at the restaurant table next to yours who are perfectly capable of having a conversation, all the while, not noticing and/or caring that their child is screaming uncontrollably beside them; subsequently, ruining your dinner and the dinners of everyone else around them.

as of tonight, I am those people.

and even though I've already developed the "parental selective hearing" that enables me to drown out the random, pointless screams, I do care about your dinner.

and I'm sorry.

so that I can remember these things later...

There's lots of cuteness going on in my house right now.


When Brylie does the "sad face," she anticipates our laughter too quickly. So we end up getting 1/2 second of a sad face followed by clapping, and a huge, mischievous grin.

She's discovered the concept of putting on a hat, so now every new thing encountered must first go on the head.

We're watching Mrs. Doubtfire the other day, and "Dude Looks Like a Lady" came on. Brylie runs in the living room wearing mismatched pajamas and begins dancing around wildly to the song about a crossdressing man.

She's good at shaking her head "no," but if she tries to nod "yes," she loses her balance and falls over.

I asked her if she wanted to get out of the bathtub. She reached up toward me, but when I started reaching down, she pulled her hands down to her sides really fast. Then, she laughed hysterically as if she made up the idea of a "fake out."

I opened up the toilet seat lid the other day, and in the toilet I found a dvd and a stuffed dog...

I asked her if she wanted to brush her teeth. She ran to the bathroom, yelling, "Ahhhhhhh.....!"

I know. Cute.

just a hint.

if you're wanting to run a google image search to find pretty pictures, don't type in the words "pretty graphic."

just don't.

my bad.

maybe I should check to make sure the link works before I hit "submit."

Rest

I've got a new top 5 song. Maybe even top 3.

It's one of those "turn the lights off, light a candle, lay flat on your face and worship, lose track of time" kinda songs.

Click here to listen.

"Rest"

Still, soft quietly spoken voice
That persistenly calls my name
And quickens my heart to come
And I come

And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your Grace
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You

Embraced in the promise of You
Is rest for the weary soul
Releasing all that is mine I reach for You

Take all the old and You make it new
Everything I give to You
You're the hope that can pull me through
Hallelujah


mmm. So good.

slapped by the Spirit (in a nice way)

Alright, here's where I am now:

I have long since agreed with the Big Guy that my purpose is to be available for anything at anytime - Great Commission kinda stuff, right? I would be thrilled if I could just walk around campus all day long talking to random kids about the love of Christ. Unfortunately, very few people can support their families on the income that comes from that kind of a job. But, I know that whatever I'm doing, I'll have opportunities every day to talk to people about this - after all, this is what I'm called for.
So, I've come to the conclusion that God has given me these desires for a reason - and I should stay in school and not worry about future things. And if I make $30,000 for the rest of my life and never get my student loans payed off, whatever. Those things don't even matter. Salvations matter.

So that's where I'm at (that's right, I ended a sentence with "at").

Sorry for whining yesterday. Mostly I just wanted to get that post off my blog.

whine and cheese

Have you ever felt like everything you were working so hard for was, really, for nothing?

I have.

I've spent the last 10 years of my life knowing that I wanted to be a counselor, and in one week, my vocational counseling professor has me convinced that that's not at all what I want to do.

Basically, here's what I've found out:

Moderately Successful LPC Practice
Income:
$75,000

Expenses:
$7,000 - malpractice insurance
$6,300 - office rent
$3,000 - utilities
$26,000 - secretary
$2,000 - legal counsel
$2,200 - assessment fees

That leaves me with a grand total of $31,200.
To live on.
With a master's degree and licensure in professional counseling.
And student loans.
And bringing my clients' problems home with me.

Making $5,000 more than my secretary.

I know it's not all about the money, but it can be a little bit about the money...right?

Thanks!

Thank you everyone for making Brylie and Casen's first birthday so special!

1

One year ago today, I experienced more emotions than I ever knew existed (and more pain than I ever knew existed):

Excitement the night before (I couldn't even sleep!)
Anticipation as I checked to make sure the nursery was just perfect for her.
Nervousness when I climbed up into the hospital bed.
Exhaustion after six hours of contractions.

Relief (I spell it e-p-i-d-u-r-a-l)

Fear when I was told her heart rate wasn't good.

Panic as the nurse hurried out the door to get the doctor.

Anxiety as the doctor rushed in to deliver her.
Absolute joy when I heard, "Here she is, Mari!"
Peace when I finally had her in my arms.

And it was all worth it.

Bitty Girl,

Sometimes after Daddy and I get in bed, we just lay there and talk about all of the things that we love about you. We talk about how beautiful your tiny face is, how cute your long eyelashes are, and how proud we are of your 3 1/2 teeth. We're so proud of how smart you are when you "love your babies," call us "mama" and "dada," or put toys in your baby stroller to push around the house. You learn so much every day and it just amazes us.

I love every moment I get to spend with you. In the mornings when you wake up and Daddy goes to get you, I can't wait for him to come back with you in his arms. You love to snuggle between us and go back to sleep for a little while longer. My favorite moment of the day is when I wake up and see your little face on my pillow next to me. I'll kiss your cheeks and whisper how much I love you until your big, blue eyes open and you smile at me. I love how you greet every morning as if it's the day you've been waiting for all your life. It's the most breathtaking sight I've ever seen - better than the most beautiful sunset.

I love you more than you will ever know. I'm so blessed that God has chosen to let me be your mommy. I know it's a big job since God has some huge plans for your life, but I promise to be the best mommy I can be. I will always put your needs first and love you unconditionally. I will do my best to never take you for granted, but to thank God for you daily. I will try very hard to discipline you out of love, never anger, and to teach you how to respect others. I will show you how to be compassionate. I promise to teach you all about Jesus. I will show you how to seek out God in his creation. I will try to be the kind of woman that you would want to be someday.

I love you, my sweet girl.

Mommy

Wanna know a secret?

Today is my hunny bunny's 24th birthday.

He doesn't know it, but he's getting a surprise birthday party tomorrow night.

: )

22 days ago...

I was thinking we could definitely handle being out of town for 3 straight weeks.

I'm so glad we're home now.

During those 3 weeks, we slept in 4 different houses and 1 hotel. We saw 2 sets of grandparents and 1 set of great-grandparents.

San Angelo to Midland: 112.25 miles
Midland to Houston: 556.14
Houston to Dallas: 239.55
Dallas to Indianapolis: 900.16
Indianapolis to Cincinnati: 114.03
Cincinnati to Indianapolis: 114.03
Indianapolis to Chicago: 183.64
Chicago to Dallas: 970.02
Dallas to San Angelo: 272.96
Total: 3462.78

I'm thinking Christmas will be at our house next year.

Round 4

of Mari vs. Mastitis

Why me, Oh God?!