I've been waiting for something really amazing to happen that was worthy of breaking my blogging hiatus.
And that something took place tonight.
After Chi Alpha, several of us went to Rosa's. We're sitting there, eating and chatting, when Heath asks, "Hey, is that lady behind me falling asleep?"
I looked over Heath and Ashlee's shoulders to see what lady he was talking about. Sure enough, two booths behind them was a girl with two young kids...and she was falling asleep while eating! After a few minutes of scoping out the situation, I realized that there was no way this girl could drive her kids home - she was literally dozing off every 30 seconds. I also realized that God was being pretty insistent that I go over there. I said a quick prayer that He would help her be open to my offer of driving her home, and I started over there.
It's funny how the Spirit takes over control of your body when you're reluctant to obey. I was pretty nervous that she was going to stick me with her fork and tell me to mind my own business.
As I started walking over, I noticed that she was falling asleep again; but she woke up as I slid into the booth across from her.
"Are you ok?" I asked. "You seem kind of tired."
She replied that she was ok, and that she had been working since 7 that morning and was just very tired. As the conversation went on, she dozed several more times, and after about 10 minutes of talking we really had had the same conversation 5 times. I knew she was on something, but she wouldn't tell me what. "Something for anxiety," she said. I told her that she just seemed tired, and I wondered if she would let me drive her home. Her six-year-old daughter started pleading with her, "Mommy, please let her drive us home! Please, Mommy!"
My heart was breaking. But, the girl insisted that she was ok to drive. She said, "I'm embarrassed - I don't even know you! I don't want to be rude, but I don't need any help."
I finally accepted that that was her answer and gave her beautiful kids one last smile as I got out of the booth. "Be safe, okay?"
I walked back to our table, feeling defeated, and praying that God would protect that family on their drive home. We sat, ate, and talked for a little while longer - and I could feel the girl's eyes on me the whole time.
About 15 minutes later, I noticed they were standing up and getting ready to leave. The girl motioned for me to come back over. I immediately jumped up and started toward her. As I approached, she asked, "Would you just help me get my kids in the car?"
"Of course I will."
I motioned for Heath and Ashlee to walk out there with me. We started heading outside, and the girl just started crying, "I'm so embarrassed! I'm humiliated! How could I let my kids see me this way?" As we talked to her for a while and she admitted that she was at rock bottom, I noticed the dozens of prominent scars on her wrists - there were so many of them. She was right - she really, really was at rock bottom. Heath asked her if she knew Jesus, and she said she did - but we could tell she didn't. After about 30 minutes in the parking lot, I had given her my number twice, and she had promised to call me soon. We said goodbye and started walking back to our cars.
As I was opening my door, she got my attention and motioned for me to come back over there. I started running back over to her car, and I noticed she was crying. "I'm ready," she cried. "I'm ready to be a good mom. I'm ready to try something new. I'm so tired of my kids seeing me this way."
I asked, "Well, are you thinking it's time to give Jesus a chance?"
She said she thought she was but that she needed to talk to me some more about it, and asked if I could come over to her apartment. I hesitated at first, because I knew she was not psychologically in a good place, and she had just told me about all of her jailed exes and friends on meth; but I thought, "I'm just going to have to trust the Lord - because this chick is ready!"
I agreed to follow her to her apartment (Heath inconspicuously followed us so he would at least know where I was - and I texted Brandon the address). We arrived, and I helped her daughter carry her backpack and books inside. The girl warned me, "It's so messy and I'm embarrassed to have you here. I work so much and I never have time to clean."
Let me tell you, if I wasn't scared of the shadiness of the apartment complex, the size of the roaches would have done it. The place was filthy. My heart broke for her because I know how hard it is to keep a house clean when you only have one baby and a husband that helps immensely - I can't imagine two babies and no husband!
I sat down and started talking to the daughter about school while her mom was trying to get the baby ready for bed. She told me, "I like you. I'm glad you came over tonight. My mommy has been acting weird for 2 days and I was so scared of what was happening to her tonight." I asked her, "Do you think you can help your mommy get your brother ready for bed so I can talk to her?" She jumped up excitedly and did exactly as I asked... and even went straight to sleep (which her mom said never happens).
I started walking through the living room, thinking about how I was going to get past this girl's huge emotional walls - how was I going to get her to trust me when no one else in her life has ever been trustworthy? My eyes fell on the sink piled with dirty dishes, and I immediately knew how to break down the barriers. This girl needed to experience love with no strings attached. I turned on the hot water, picked up the brush and got to work.
She was mortified when she walked back in and realized that I was doing her dishes, but she eventually conceded and even joined me. So I washed, she dried, and we talked. And when the kitchen was done, we moved onto the living room....and then her daughter's room...and then the dining room...
And the whole time, we talked and cried. And chipped away at those emotional walls. Sometimes we even sledge-hammered them.
When the apartment was as clean as would could possibly make it, we sat down, I took a deep breath and whispered one last quick prayer.
"So...you want something different. You want to be a good mom. You want to break free from those bad relationships, and the depression, anxiety, and pills."
"More than anything," she replied.
"You need Jesus."
"...I know..."
There was a long pause as I tried to read her facial expressions.
"Are you ready?"
"......yes."
So, we prayed together. She asked Jesus to become her source of life, to save her, to help her be a good mom, to help her break free from her depression, anxiety, pills, and bad relationships.
We cried...
Oh, how we cried.
And for the first time in the 4 hours I had known her, she laughed!
I hadn't realized before then that she had never once smiled during our time together; but now, she was laughing!
"Wow," I thought. "That was a quick!"
I told her that things would be different - that they already were different, but that she was going to have to make the decision every day to live for God.
She said, "Now that I have a real friend who actually cares about me, I think I can do that."
(I cried at this, of course).
As I got up to leave, we made plans to meet later this week, and she asked about church, Chi Alpha, and life groups. Then, she hugged me. That may not sound too amazing in and of itself, but 4 hours earlier, she wouldn't even tell me her name. She freaked out that I texted Brandon her address. She literally trusted no one.
And I got a hug :)
Oh, Jesus...THANK YOU...thank you for letting me be a small part of this tonight. For speaking so strongly at Rosa's that I physically couldn't keep myself from walking over to her. Thank you for bringing us together under odd, unconventional circumstances. Thank you for saving her! Thank you for seeing her tears, hearing her heart, and loving her so much. I'm overwhelmed by your goodness. I'm overwhelmed that you chose to use me tonight.
What an incredible night.
I love you with every ounce of my being.
Oh, how He loves us.
